Our Beautiful Heartbreak

Meet my adorable nephew:

 

In the words of the singer Hilary Weeks, he is our "beautiful heartbreak."

The story begins in 2011.  My brother and sister-in-law learned that they were going to be able to adopt a little boy.  As the time drew closer, my brother and sister-in-law talked about possible names.  One day my sister-in-law proposed a new name and it felt right.  There came an assurance that this little boy was supposed to be a part of the Blunck family and that was the right name for him.

The time came for my nephew’s birth and my brother and sister-in-law flew out to pick him up.  They arrived at their destination, and then suddenly everything changed.  They weren’t able to adopt their son.

My sister-in-law describes driving into the garage after flying home as one of the most difficult moments of the whole experience.  Her two sons ran up to the car as fast as their little legs could carry them and begged to see their new brother.  She had to explain that they weren’t going to have another brother after all.

She shares that after flying home without her son, one song stood out to her.  She listened to it over and over again and let the tears flow.  It was Hilary Weeks’ song “Beautiful Heartbreak.”

The lyrics are powerful and touching:

I had it all mapped out in front of me
Knew just where I wanted to go
But life decided to change my plans
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road
I knew there was no way to move it
So I searched for a way around
Broken-hearted I started climbing
And at the top I found

Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through
Was the price that I paid to see this view
Now that I'm here I would never trade
The grace that I feel and the faith that I find
Through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights
I used to pray He'd take it all away
But instead it became
A beautiful heartbreak

I never dreamed my heart would make it
And I thought about turning around
But Heaven has shown me miracles
I never would have seen from the ground
Now I take the rain with the sunshine
Cause there's one thing that I know
He picks up the pieces
Along each broken road

Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through
Was the price that I paid to see this view
Now that I'm here I would never trade
The grace that I feel and the faith that I find
Through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights
I used to pray He'd take it all away
But instead it became
A beautiful heartbreak

The entire situation was utterly confusing for my brother and sister-in-law because there had been an assurance that the adoption was supposed to happen.  How could they have returned home without him?  Reluctantly and “broken-hearted [they] started climbing” the mountain in front of them.

Many months later, they received a phone call that changed their lives.  They were invited to fly out and bring their son home after all.  There is no doubt that was a miracle.

While this a story with a beautiful ending, there were also feelings of true heartbreak. 

Some people question God’s reality because they see heartbreak in the world and experience it in their lives.  They believe that the suffering is a sign that God doesn’t love us or that He’s not real.

Those thoughts are misguided.  God understands heartbreak better than anyone.  That’s because He watched His perfect son experience the “gall of bitterness” to pay for sins that the son had never committed.  It would break any parent’s heart not to intervene when seeing his child suffer so intensely.  God, the perfect father, surely suffered more than any mortal father ever could when He watched his first-born son suffer in Gethsemane and on the cross.  It broke His heart not to intervene on His son’s behalf.  The only reason that God did not intervene is because He knew that Christ’s suffering was necessary for us to be able to return to God.

We are all intimately acquainted with heartbreak, be it big or small.  I pray that this little post leaves you feeling encouraged.  I don’t pretend that every heartbreak will end with a miraculous turn of events.  I also recognize that discussing the potential of heartbreaks to strengthen us does not suddenly make a current heartbreak feel all-better.

I hope that you will feel assurance that heartbreaks can be beautiful.  Even the heartbreaks with no surprise happy endings can be beautiful because they give us the opportunity to watch how “He picks up the pieces along each broken road.”  We can experience Christ’s strengthening power and find the courage to take steps forward.

Below is the music video for "Beautiful Heartbreak."  I think you'll love it!

Why So Different?

My brother is an engineer.  I cannot figure out how to open my jammed stapler.  My sister is a math teacher.  Hearing the word calculus makes me feel like I might pass out.

How could we be so different?  We have the same genes and grew up in same home.  Simply put, that’s just how we came. 

Every person on the earth today lived with Heavenly Father before this life.  During that time, each one of us was blessed with unique characteristics, strengths, and aptitudes. 

As a little girl, I always imagined us lining up in front of Heavenly Father and waiting for Him to sprinkle a little bit of magic dust on our heads.  After the dust was sprinkled, we walked away with our personalities and talents.  That’s definitely a silly way to think of it.  I don’t really know how Heavenly Father made each of us so unique, but I rejoice in knowing that “God is the author of diversity” (Meet the Mormons).

Differences are beautiful.  If everyone was like me, we would all be in touch with our feelings but we would have no way to share them.  We likely wouldn’t have paper and most definitely would not have computers.  In fact, we would probably be living in huts with no electricity.

I am grateful for engineers who use their minds to develop technology that produces paper.  I’m looking at my bed right now and it makes me laugh because I see two journals, a notebook for scribbling down blog post ideas, and a few miscellaneous papers.  I am grateful for people who understand electricity and computers because they allow me to share some of my ideas.

I am grateful for people who understand politics, law, economics, medicine, and communications.  The list goes on.  My life and everyone else’s life is profoundly blessed by the combined strength that our individual differences create.

Even with our differences, there are two common threads that connect every single one of us.  (1) We are all children of Heavenly Father.  (2) We all desire to create.

Heavenly Father loves every one of us, and He loves all of us equally.  Ask any set of parents, and few would ever say that they love one more child more than the other.  They may love their children differently, but still equally.  Heavenly Father is the best parent.  His love is endless and equal for each of us.

We can follow Heavenly Father’s example by seeing every person around us as our equal.  We are, after all, spiritual brothers and sisters.

With regards to the desire to create, a leader in the LDS church explained that “the desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf).  Why would that be?  “Remember that you are spirit [children] of the most creative Being in the universe” (Uchdtdorf).  Because we are God’s children, we possess some of His desire to create.

We all create differently.  I create through words.  My mom creates through flowers.  Some people create through cooking.  Some people create through art.  Some people create through music.  Some people create through woodworking.  The list is infinite.  We all seek to create.

The next time we feel tempted to let ourselves feel divided because we approach creation in different ways, may we work to be more unified because of our common effort to create.  May we also remember, most importantly, our common identity as children of Heavenly Father.

Parable of Love (I mean, "the Talents")

Love is absolutely confusing.  I was blessed to understand a Bible story in a new way today that helped me make better sense of love.  I hope you enjoy...

“For the kingdom of heaven is as a man traveling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods.  And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one.”

“And he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents…But he that received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord’s money” (Matthew 25: 14-18).

Love can be considered the Savior’s money.  It’s something that He gives to us.  To some He gives a greater measure and to others, not as much.

We are free to choose what we do with the love that He gives us.  We can trade and share that love with others or we can stifle (hide away) that love.

“After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them.  And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents…His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant.

Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord…And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou has that is thine.  His lord answered and said…take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents” (verses 19-28).

Whatever measure of love that we have been blessed with, the only way for that love to grow and multiply is if we do something with it.  If we withhold love because of fear, it won’t grow.  In fact, one day we will find that it’s gone and we feel nothing because it’s been taken from us.

This means for all of us that when we feel the smallest amount of love, we have to do as much as possible to build it.  Then, suddenly, we will find that it's been multiplied and the cycle continues.

If you would like to see a short movie of this Bible video, click here.

Would You See Her?

If she was twenty pounds lighter, would you see her?  If he didn’t have acne, would you see him?

One of my goals in this very personal post is to reflect about how we let physical appearance influence the attention that we give (or don’t give) to other people.  My other goal is to express gratitude to all of my guy friends who have unknowingly bolstered me throughout the years.   

Before I comment about appearance and attention, allow me to share a little background from my life.  When I was little, I loved life.  As I grew a little older, I started exercising regularly because it made me feel happy and I loved being happy. 

About my junior year of high school, however, I started noticing changes.  I often felt anxious and sad, even after exercising.  That was odd because exercising had always been a cure-all for me.   To my dismay, I also started gaining weight.  Sometimes I exercised two hours a day, but I kept gaining weight.  It didn’t make any sense because I was eating healthy.

Finally, I decided to see a doctor.  I learned, much to my relief, that the weight gain and anxiety wasn’t entirely my fault.  There was something going on inside my body that needed to be addressed.  I was diagnosed with a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  PCOS is a female hormone disorder which usually manifests itself through weight gain, sugar cravings, acne, extra hair growth, and muscle bulkiness (all those things that girls just hate J).

Ever since that diagnosis, I have been treating the condition.  I feel much better now than I did in high school, but I’ve learned that ultimately treatment is just treatment.  It is not a cure.  That means that there are times when my body, for whatever reason, stops responding to treatment and symptoms which have been under control will come back.

I dislike those times when my PCOS flares up because I feel like I’m not in control of my body.  While some people may believe otherwise, I’ve found that sometimes getting rid of acne isn’t as straightforward as having better hygiene and not eating greasy foods.  Sometimes managing weight isn’t as easy as exercising and eating well.  Sometimes choosing to eat healthy instead of eating sweets isn’t as simple as exercising self-discipline.

So whenever I see a girl at school who is struggling with her weight or with her acne, my heart aches for her.  I wonder if something is going on in her body that is out of her control.  I wonder if she even realizes that something might be wrong.

And then I wonder if boys will see her (I mean really see her), despite her physical imperfections.  Will they talk with her?  Will they help her to feel that she is worth loving?  Will we girls also see her, or will we shy away?

I started thinking about this idea of seeing people last school year.  After a guy that I thought was very handsome paid me a compliment, two questions came to mind--If you had met me a year ago when I was ten pounds heavier and had more acne, would you still have seen me?  Would you have said the same thing to me?  (Now don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that I think guys are shallow, nor do I believe that I’m the best at remembering to look past outside appearances.  I also firmly believe in attraction when it comes to marriage.)

Just as soon as I thought of these questions, I also remembered all of the wonderful men in my life who had always seen me.  They never knew when I was experiencing a PCOS flare-up, but they had always been there.  During those times when my confidence was suffering, they were simultaneously building it by noticing me and giving me attention.  To all of you dear friends, I say thank you!!!

I pray that by sharing a little bit about myself and my thoughts, we all might feel inspired to work at seeing the people around us.  Let us reach out to them, no matter their physical appearance, just like the Savior would.

"Come Boldly Unto the Throne of Grace"

I don't have any funny stories or super profound thoughts to share.  I was simply touched this morning by two scripture verses about Jesus Christ, and I hope that you will feel inspired as you read them:  


"For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:15-16).


The high priest referred to in the first verse is Jesus Christ.  I love the message that we can come unto Him even though we are imperfect and have struggles.  He experienced all of the temptations that we are confronted with.  He knows and understands exactly how challenging they can be because He is just like us, a human being.  

Not only does He understand the power of temptation, He also knows how we feel when we are weak and give in to temptation.  This is because He suffered for our sins in the Garden of Gethsemane.  Even though He didn't have to, He chose to bring our pains upon Himself.  He wanted to feel for himself how we suffer when we sin so that He could truly empathize with us.  I am grateful that He is perfectly sympathetic; I am even more grateful that because of His suffering, I can be forgiven of my sins and return to live with God someday.  There is no greater blessing!

My favorite word in the second verse is boldly.  We are invited to come unto Christ with courage and confidence.  Christ does not want us to approach Him with fear.  Little children are great examples of approaching life and other people with boldness.  Fear is a foreign concept for them.  They will talk with anyone.  You can be one of their best friends within minutes.  This is because they hold nothing back and they trust that you will not hold anything back either.  It should be the same way for us with the Savior.  

The promise that we may "find grace to help in time of need" is sweet.  It is true.  I know it. 


I would love to receive comments from you about these verses and what stands out to you.  I look forward to hearing from you...

Donut Prayers and Donut Days

I once heard of someone accidentally walking into the room where a modern day prophet was praying and heard the prophet laughing during his prayer.  When asked why he was laughing, the prophet remarked that he was telling God about a joke he'd heard that day and thought was hilarious.

While I've never shared any of my favorite jokes while praying, I do pray about donuts...A lot, actually.

It all comes back to a little story that I heard a college friend share in church.  After going through some challenging times, she finally blurted in one of her morning prayers, "I really want a donut today.  I just want a donut."  To her great surprise, she got her donut that day.  There was a giant box of donuts waiting for her in a meeting that she dutifully attended later in the day. 

My friend explained that she knew those donuts were a testimony that Heavenly Father was listening to her prayers and understood just what would cheer her up.

Since hearing that story, I sometimes find myself thinking and figuratively expressing in my prayers, I wouldn't mind if today was a donut day.  I could even go for some chocolate icing and sprinkles.

A lot of days, even though that's the desire of my heart, it's not a donut day.  If I got a donut day every day, every week, or every month, would I really be delighted for a donut day?  Probably not.

It's true that sometimes donut days feel few and far between, but Heavenly Father knows the perfect timing for a donut day.  I'm glad that He knows when I've had enough saltine cracker days and tart grapefruit days to really be able to savor a sweet donut day.  

The scriptures teach that we are better able to prize the good because we taste and experience the bitter.  I affirm that we should not doubt that God loves us just because every day isn't a donut day.  Sometimes donut days don't come when we ask for them, but they always come.  ALWAYS.  KEEP PRAYING.  HE HEARS!

A New Favorite Vase

My sister was helping her kiddos get ready for school recently when the sudden sound of shattering glass startled everyone.  A vase that my sister had put on top of the fridge for "safe keeping" wasn't safe afer all.  

She commented quietly to herself as she started sweeping the broken glass, "That's really too bad.  That was my favorite vase." 

A few minutes later, my sweet nephew approached his mom with tears in his eyes and a fistfull of crumpled dollar bills.  He held out his hand and explained, "Mom, this is for you to buy a new favorite vase."

Since my sister told me about this little experience, I've thought about it repeatedly.  It mattered to my nephew and really saddened him that his mom's favorite vase was broken.  He was willing to give all that he had saved so that she could be happy.  I wonder if I would have even thought twice about what the vase meant to my sister.  Would I have been willing to give all my savings to buy a "new favorite vase?"  I don't think I would have, and I feel badly about that.

I learn from this experience that little ones can teach us how to care more about the big and little events in the lives of the people that are important to us.  I better understand why our Savior would command men to "become as a little children."  There is much to learn and emulate!