Would You See Her?

If she was twenty pounds lighter, would you see her?  If he didn’t have acne, would you see him?

One of my goals in this very personal post is to reflect about how we let physical appearance influence the attention that we give (or don’t give) to other people.  My other goal is to express gratitude to all of my guy friends who have unknowingly bolstered me throughout the years.   

Before I comment about appearance and attention, allow me to share a little background from my life.  When I was little, I loved life.  As I grew a little older, I started exercising regularly because it made me feel happy and I loved being happy. 

About my junior year of high school, however, I started noticing changes.  I often felt anxious and sad, even after exercising.  That was odd because exercising had always been a cure-all for me.   To my dismay, I also started gaining weight.  Sometimes I exercised two hours a day, but I kept gaining weight.  It didn’t make any sense because I was eating healthy.

Finally, I decided to see a doctor.  I learned, much to my relief, that the weight gain and anxiety wasn’t entirely my fault.  There was something going on inside my body that needed to be addressed.  I was diagnosed with a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  PCOS is a female hormone disorder which usually manifests itself through weight gain, sugar cravings, acne, extra hair growth, and muscle bulkiness (all those things that girls just hate J).

Ever since that diagnosis, I have been treating the condition.  I feel much better now than I did in high school, but I’ve learned that ultimately treatment is just treatment.  It is not a cure.  That means that there are times when my body, for whatever reason, stops responding to treatment and symptoms which have been under control will come back.

I dislike those times when my PCOS flares up because I feel like I’m not in control of my body.  While some people may believe otherwise, I’ve found that sometimes getting rid of acne isn’t as straightforward as having better hygiene and not eating greasy foods.  Sometimes managing weight isn’t as easy as exercising and eating well.  Sometimes choosing to eat healthy instead of eating sweets isn’t as simple as exercising self-discipline.

So whenever I see a girl at school who is struggling with her weight or with her acne, my heart aches for her.  I wonder if something is going on in her body that is out of her control.  I wonder if she even realizes that something might be wrong.

And then I wonder if boys will see her (I mean really see her), despite her physical imperfections.  Will they talk with her?  Will they help her to feel that she is worth loving?  Will we girls also see her, or will we shy away?

I started thinking about this idea of seeing people last school year.  After a guy that I thought was very handsome paid me a compliment, two questions came to mind--If you had met me a year ago when I was ten pounds heavier and had more acne, would you still have seen me?  Would you have said the same thing to me?  (Now don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that I think guys are shallow, nor do I believe that I’m the best at remembering to look past outside appearances.  I also firmly believe in attraction when it comes to marriage.)

Just as soon as I thought of these questions, I also remembered all of the wonderful men in my life who had always seen me.  They never knew when I was experiencing a PCOS flare-up, but they had always been there.  During those times when my confidence was suffering, they were simultaneously building it by noticing me and giving me attention.  To all of you dear friends, I say thank you!!!

I pray that by sharing a little bit about myself and my thoughts, we all might feel inspired to work at seeing the people around us.  Let us reach out to them, no matter their physical appearance, just like the Savior would.